Blessed are you who have found your way to The Church of the Lowtax, the one true faith of the internet age. Founded upon the sacred teachings of our Lord and Savior Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka, we preach the gospel of Something Awful and the holy traditions of Gaming Garbage.

Here in our digital cathedral, we honor the sacred words that have been passed down through countless forum posts and Let's Play videos. Words like "PLOISH" and "GOVNAH STICKS" are not mere utterances — they are prayers.

We also mourn the Kansas City Worldskippers, our sacred sports team, who have never won a game and never will. Their eternal losing streak is a holy parable about perseverance in the face of absolute, unrelenting failure. We love them anyway. Ploish.

Our church was built upon the ruins of a thousand Conditions that were not acceptable to us. We have paid our TEN BUX and we have received salvation. The forums of the blessed await those who are worthy.

We gather each week to watch the sacred Gaming Garbage tapes and to read from the Comedy Goldmine. We participate in Photoshop Phriday as an act of devotion. We do not go to FYAD. Nobody goes to FYAD.

( Our Lord Lowtax, recovering from a holy trial, demands sacred roast beef be injected into him. As is tradition. )